by Donna Chin
It’s the day of my daughter’s fifth birthday, and the family is preparing for her big party tonight. The day is still young and early, and I’m still laying in bed daydreaming. As the sun glazes throughout the rooms of the house with its crystal rays, I can hear my wife moving about and shouting to my son, “Don’t forget to pick up the cake on your way home after the game! Do you want a reminder later?”
The front door slams with a loud BAM on his way out for his soccer game. My head began to ache from the reverberating sound of the door. I’ve had a long week at work and I have no intention of getting up anytime soon. I try to close my eyes and enjoy some peace and quiet for a few more minutes. All of a sudden, the wooden floors started to rumble from my daughter running through the hallway, thump, thump, thump, thump, with her tiny feet. The next thing I know she comes into the bedroom and dives right into the bed. The blanket looked a bit funny with her squirming her way up through the covers. When she finally reached me, my daughter began to squeal with a dimple to her smile, “Hee! Sleeping Beauty Daddy!”
With half a sleeping eye opened, I could catch a glimpse of her. The sunlight from the window was highlighting her face as it made the summer sheets look slightly translucent and into a light orange color.I felt a gentle smile on my face, as my daughter decided to pin her head down and snuggle right into my shoulder like a puppy.
I suppose she’s suggesting it’s time for me to wake up. With a long sigh and slight chuckle, I realized something horrible…I forgot to get my daughter a birthday present.
You can either let the things in life dictate and run it for you…Or you can take the carefree approach and adapt to whatever it is that comes your way, the best you can. I think people tend to freak out over small things that don’t really matter in the long run. I’m not sure whether it’s a distraction mechanism in which they’re not aware of…or if this is a default setting in their personality. Whatever this “desire” to make up problems that are not beneficial nor relevant to the moment…is just interesting to observe.
I am working on going back to freelancing in catering and writing. It will take quite some time to figure things out while working and trying to get back into school part-time/full-time. And trying to get internships in media/film editing to learn more and expand my abilities.
It’s been a very odd…yet fulfilling experience within the last year or two…I actually have lost count and track of time…completely at this point. And still need to buy a notebook for just writing.
So….let this journey resume where I left off.
I suppose “Vanilla” people don’t get certain things that only people who are in the “Alternative Lifestyle”, or in polyamorous relations, would comprehend….We don’t care about this whole obsession with “commitment” because everything is consensual, direct, and honest. You have to be, in this sort of lifestyle, especially when dealing with many….or just one person.
Whenever someone tries to get me to go on a date, or even just a drink…it turns out to be a this huge frustrating conversation where they want something enclosed, restricted and very much defined where I belong to them and noone else…It’s a bit amusing for me because that’s not what I want…but yet, I find myself looking for a Dom/Domme to lose myself in.
Again. When explaining this to the people interested in me…they ask…”So how is that different from being in a monogamous relationship with a person??”
To be honest…there’s a HUGE difference. a) D/s relations are consented based on agreements like a contract….b) There is no obligation nor commitment, everything is stated and intended honestly….c) We are all adults, as long as things are stated and honest….we live our own separate lives separate from our intimate sessions c) Intimacy does not always require emotional commitment…d) You can have a bonded emotional attachment without a defined field
…I’m tired …
When I took my first proper drawing class in college, my Intro to Visual Arts instructor, Martha, was very informative. She had a way to explain very complex thoughts, and ideas of art theory into application for the every day commoner. She’d be able to break them down into concepts that the brain was able to grasp even when these ideas were intangible.
For instance, when you draw or sketch, you are always encouraged to “not break the line,” or to never erase your mistakes. I loved this simple concept/guideline. Like most things, I try to take them and apply them to my every day life so that I am actively learning, understanding, and always evolving. You can’t go back in life to change things that have already been done. Not realistically anyway. Whatever mark you’ve made is forever there. It is the part of “where do you go from there,” that I really think is fascinating about the living.
There are millions of choices an individual can make, or not make at all. Not breaking the line is one of the hardest discipline exercises an artist endures in their fundamental skills. It is an extremely sado-masochistic practice, as with most mental intensive exercises.
Instinctively, and habitually, we as humans will always break the line. Unless you have perfected this skill, 99% of the time, YOU WILL break the line.
It’s learning things like this, during every waking moment, that makes me not want to sleep. I don’t want to miss out on a fantastic thought. No matter where my head is at, I am always in a pensive state, It cannot be helped. My brain is constantly racing at a million thoughts within a short span of time, which makes it extremely hard to relax and to just sit down for a single moment. Even as I’m writing this, I am brainstorming my next HOPE project, and self-portrait series, simultaneously!